, Bridge Magazine , Health Articles
Maria was born in Kenya and grew up in the Seychelles. Maria spent many years living with her grandparents in the Seychelles, separated from her parents while they stayed in Kenya. In 1968, Maria then migrated to Australia with her family.
Since moving to Perth, Maria became a carer to her mother who experienced a mental illness. As the only female among three brothers, the carer role seemed to land on Maria’s shoulders.
“I was in and out of hospitals, emergency rooms, doctors' appointments, chemists, it was a pretty full-on role,” she recalls, adding that her mother is much better these days and Maria visits her regularly.
Her mother and father weren’t always on the best terms, however due to a dementia diagnosis Maria's father also came to live with them for a while. This wasn't sustainable however, as Maria couldn't manage caring for both her father and her husband who has had Parkinson’s disease for the last 20 years. “My husband’s health is going downhill more and more. There’s a lot of anger, stress, anxiety and crying from the both of us,” Maria says.
From Maria’s point of view, there are a lot of carers out there who have difficult experiences and often don’t want to say or talk about what they’re going through because they feel like people don’t understand.
“Sometimes they just don’t want to talk about it because they feel like people won’t be able to understand and empathise or they will feel burdensome,” she says.
“We just do what we have to do and get on with it.”
“That’s how I felt at times because I didn't want to burden our family, especially since I’ve got three children and they have their own families and their own things to deal with. I don’t want to add extra weight to their load but nevertheless they are a huge support to me as well as my husband.”
“We’ve been through a lot and they all tell me that anytime I want to talk or vent, they’re here for me, and I’m very grateful to them for supporting me.”
"Despite [her challenges], she continues to provide kindness, compassion and love to everyone around her.
People often say that she is one of the friendliest and kindest people that they have ever met, and it is second nature for her to make sure everyone around her is okay. Whilst I am grateful to have such a nurturing and beautiful mother, I wish she had more opportunity to do things for herself. When the time comes, I will ensure that I care for my mother, the way she has done so for everyone around her.”
Karis Erceg, Maria's daughter who nominated her for the Carer of the Year award
Navigating through the challenges of caring
“I do cry, I do talk to my kids and I am getting counselling as well as my husband,” Maria says.
“We have our moments of course, as this disease creates a lot of issues, but counselling helps by giving you the tools when you have your moments.”
Maria says having something just for yourself is invaluable for your self-care.
For Maria, it is listening to music. “Music is my big thing,” she says. “I go to Zumba and I go to Carer’s WA and my husband and I go to a Parkinson’s support group, and I find that very good.”
“It’s important to take some time for yourself.”
“Being a carer is exhausting and tiring, and often you lose your sense of identity,” Maria explains, emphasising carers need an outlet to keep them happy because they can easily lose themselves.
“My husband and I both felt lost, it affected our marriage and that’s why we are getting counselling.”
“It’s important to find something in your life that makes you happy, even if that means going out for a coffee, going shopping, or getting out of the house briefly. Just do something to make your brain happy. To hang onto. It’s not easy. I’m working on myself still but I’m getting there slowly.”
“One of the most important things for new carers to know is that every situation is different and people need to get as much information as they can to properly understand their own circumstances.”
“I think you’ve got to know what the problem is, learn as much as you can about what might happen in the future and inform yourself, so you know what is ahead of you and find ways to deal with it,” Maria says.
“The best thing is to be informed and talk to your partner, or whoever it is that you're caring for, and also for them to know what you’re going through, so you understand each other so that you are all on the same page.”
“Try and be positive if you can and find something that makes you happy. That’s pretty much it.”
“The best thing is to be informed and talk to your partner, or whoever it is that you're caring for, and also for them to know what you’re going through, so you understand each other so that you are all on the same page.”